Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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