then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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