You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
