He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize