Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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