I am midnight drunk by noon
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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