Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
