somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
