Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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