And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
