I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
