it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
