Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
