Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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