His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
