i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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