So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
