I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
