I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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