I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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