so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
