Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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