would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize