The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
