nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
