So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
