i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
