I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my sisters under your porch take her home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
