My room smells like vodka and shame
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
