She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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