My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
