I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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