Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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