he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
