she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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