It was confusing and full of hummus
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
