The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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