I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
