Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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