I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
