I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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