so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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