Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
