can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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