I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I wish you could order shots online.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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