this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
