he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
