It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
