my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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