Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
