At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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