Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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