The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just forgot I was standing up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
