Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Found the puke drawer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
