More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
