how can u be prego again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
