could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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