if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
