If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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