Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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