she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
