chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
