five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
