she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want her autograph on my taint
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
