I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
