I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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