hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
