remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
