I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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