He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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