chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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