She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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