Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Less talking, more tequila
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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