apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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