So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
