All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
