There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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