I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
