tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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