I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
