I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
