FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
