Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize