she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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