I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
