one two three fourrrrnication!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
