There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
