I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
