I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize