My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Boobs are out for the taking
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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