You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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