Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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