actually, I'm a sock model
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize