..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
