you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
