Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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