You're so nebulous sometimes
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
