I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
