He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
