hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
