Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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