so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
