I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize