Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
