I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
