I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
