Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize