We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize