I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
