hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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