best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
