I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
